Happy Valentine’s Day! If you are looking for something romantic to do today, might I suggest a one-way trip to the Broodwich Dimension? Jerry’s patiently waiting on the other side with a heart shaped box of chocolates! Wait, no, he’s got an axe. My mistake. Making the Broodwich sandwich required a few adjustments, since I don’t currently have access to any groceries that come directly from hell. Here is my list of substitutions:
Ingredients
- Wheat harvested in Hell’s half-acre, baked by Beelzebub = homemade wheat bread, mixed with a LOT of red food coloring
- Mayonnaise from the evil eggs of a powerful dark chicken = regular mayonnaise
- Cheese boiled from the rancid teat of a three-headed fanged cow = cheddar cheese
- 666 separate meats from an animal which has maggots for blood = 6 different sandwich meats: turkey, chicken, beef, ham, salami, and capicola
- Dijon mustard
- Lettuce
- Sun-dried tomatoes
- No bacon (you call this a sandwich?!)
Directions
Note: I got the bun recipe from here – but half the ingredients. Before the dough is proofed, add basically an entire bottle of red food coloring to get to the right “evil” color. You might need to make adjustments to the color depending on how much bread you are making.
Set aside some extra dough for horns and tail! Once you have proofed, rolled out, and baked the oversized, red hoagie bun – set it aside to cool. Bake several devil horns for the top of the bun. Once cooled, cut the hoagie roll in half, additionally cut two ear holes on the top of the hoagie.
Assemble the sandwich with all the ingredients. Don’t eat all the sun-dried tomatoes unless you actually want to travel to the Broodwich dimension (or you’ve had some free brain surgery).
Before anyone even points it out. Yes, I forgot the devil tail for the sandwich.
Does that make me a bad person? No. Am I a bad person? …that’s up for debate. With or without the tail, the Broodwich sandwich wasn’t half bad. There was a lot going on with each bite, what with all the meat and cheese. Also, I’m not sure if it’s good for anyone to be ingesting that much red food coloring in one sitting. At the same time, I’m not currently being terrorized in an alternate dimension so overall a win I would say.
Cromulence: 7 Azaleas out of 10
The Broodwich from: Aqua Team Hunger Force (Season 2 – Episode 16)
Nice job :3
You should do the Gooberberry Sunrise
Pretty sure you should have picked off the sun dried tomatoes.
They weren’t actually that bad. And Jerry was pretty cool too. Oh what’s this? I have one last sundried tomato left for one lucky reader!
Well looks like someone has an appetite for insanity. But it’s Valentines Day and the sandwich is red so that works. Right? Right…? Though on the other hand it would’ve probably been more trouble than it’s worth to make valentine heart candies with crude, off-color sentiments, even if it sets off a hilarious Vietnam flashback.
Johnny. Johnny? JOHNNY!!